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Burn-Out and going viral

Last year, I was in definite odds with the position that my church was taking on Prop 8. It was very clear to me that the Prophet of the Mormon church and his fellow (all male) leaders were obscured in clarity on the subject of marriage, discrimination, and what it means to be gay. I understand – these men are human. They feel that their values are threatened by gay people. Their core doctrine rests definitively on the sanctity of marriage.

My husband and I disagreed with their stand. I didn’t like getting political pitches from the pulpit, being handed bumper stickers in the lobby and the conversations about gay people that ensued within the church walls. What was going on, wasn’t in keeping with Christian values, or the stand our church has normally taken on staying out of politics and “voting with your conscience”. Unlike myself, my husband was less than thrilled about wearing his politics on his sleeve. He wasn’t keen on putting a No on 8 sign on the lawn on our very visual and prominent corner lot. He didn’t want a bumper sticker on the car, even if I was the one to be driving. I respected that he felt the matter was private so I held back. He appreciated my pain and winced along with me.

I worked very hard with myself and my frustration. I donated money to No on 8. I decided that church did not have a place for me and mostly stopped going. I did loving-kindness meditations for the prophet and the brethren and myself to work through my negative feelings. I was OK doing my own things and letting the church go their own way. Problem solved.

Then, Elder Ballard gave a talk  and said:

Elder Cook reemphasized Elder Ballard’s encouragement of sharing the gospel through the Internet.

“It is my hope that you will engage. It is my hope that you will go viral,” he said.

I saw all sorts of my sweet Mormon friends who would normally never engage in public politics, posting on their family blogs. I got e-mails from people I haven’t heard from in years. The influence that that Elder Ballard’s speech had on the Mormon community was so influential.

I got angry, except this time – I was observing that anger. That anger and shock wasn’t damaging. It was a wake up call to action. That was it for me. I stopped being quiet. Go viral? Sure, now that’s something I can do! I can speak up for what Jesus taught – peace and love. Sure, I’m just a female in our church and I have no power what-so-ever, but I do have a voice. I will not blindly obey something I know in my heart to be wrong. The leaders of the church are human, they have made mistakes in the past and will make more mistakes in the future. (blacks and the priesthood? fighting the ERA?) I have to live with my own conscience, listen to the spirit in my heart.

On November 2, 2008 I felt something strange. I weird anxiety that I haven’t felt in years. It was a helplessness – I wanted to see Prop 8 fail and I wanted to see a shift in the governing party. (we needed that shift simply for balance and hope) What does a helpless feeling girl do? I impulsively ran down to Supercuts and cut off 10+ inches of my hair! I may not be able to control American politics, but, by DAMN, I can control my hair. Let me start the winds of change by cutting off years of dead weight that I’ve been carrying around.

Two days later the votes were in. My kids were on the couch with me, watching each state’s votes comes in. I’ve never swayed my kids in their politics, and even so, my 8-year old sat on the couch in dismay when the Utah votes came in, “WHAT?!!!! Why did Utah voted for McCain?” I was over-the-moon about having our first black president. (and after the previous 8 years, one that can speak articulately) It was a very sacred moment for me. It was bitter sweet as Prop 8 results came in. My heart just sunk. As I realized the role my church had played in passing the proposition, it made me so sad. I thought of my gay friends and neighbors, those who have been together longer than Dan and I, those who are raising children. I felt so sad that many of my LDS friends do not have these connections and this understanding of equality and looking out for those who are different than us. I can’t remember the last time that I’ve been so disappointed and let-down.

I get all of the e-mails from Mr. Geoff Kors, Equality California. That’s what happens when you write a check. I’ve been deleting them for a year. Bloggers have written insightful pieces on Prop 8 and analyzed the role of the church, the role of the minority vote, etc. I’ve just barely skimmed. I have been in complete and total burn out.

This morning, I read this. Salt Lake City has passed anti-discrimination legislation with support of the LDS church. My response? WHAT?!!!! It’s 2009 and they don’t already have anti-discrimination legislation? Shameful, you highly Christian and moral upstanding community! Isn’t anti-discrimination the very LEAST a community can do to protect their minority population? I remind myself that every journey starts with one step. I’m glad that the church is supporting anti-discrimination for gay people. I’m also a bit saddened that this seems to be a big deal. It’s a very overdue protection for basic human rights.

I know this is a yoga blog for the most part, but I am reminded again of Ballard’s urging, “Go viral”. Suddenly I’m not feeling so burned out any more. The shakti within me has taken on a new resurgence. Here I go again, back into that dance of life called following the spirit as your conscience dictates.

Jenny and Jamie rock it… again.

Guru

Comforting…

to have a president who embraces and understands other cultures and traditions.

AcroYoga

I took Jamie’s Intro to Acro Therapeutics and Thai Massage on Sunday. It felt so good! I knew that it would, but I was so surprised at what happened. I was lucky enough to be partnered with Jamie and Karen and Jamie is so darn stead that I was able to just pop right up in most of the poses. (I learned that it’s a surprising challenge to be the base) About half way through the workshop, I was hanging off of his feet and I heard a pop. Then another one. Then, my shulders started bending in places they haven’t in years. It felt so good. I’ve been draping myself off of the couch, hanging off the swings at the elementary school and working on my drop backs.

AHHH!

I was hanging off of those swings after school with the kids and Drew said, “Oh, this feels relaxable!”

Later this afternoon, Kieran jumped on my feet for a bit of Acro and Drew finally braved it. Now, we’re the fearless flying Gallaghers. I really want to have a workshop at the studio for kids and their yoga moms. Too much fun!

on craziness

self: “Isn’t it great that you’ve had fabulous home practice all week? You’ve enjoyed it and – hee hee – you haven’t even done abs once this week!”

Buddha Mind: (with a big grin) Yeahhhh…….

Gorgeous

Thank you Karma Club members and teachers for spending Saturday with me and producing such beauty. You really are amazing models. My job really is too much fun…

More of the Mundane

The happy view from my new I-phone.

Call it commercialism. Call it blatant distraction from pure mystical awareness. Call it what my hubby does (with disgust) when we’re both relaxing at night next to each other tapping away – “look at us – we’re such yuppies.” Call it whatever you will, but I would like to thank the mystical powers that be for creating a device that has kept me on time, on schedule and on task for almost two weeks now (almost). Any contraption that can pull this hippie-dippy girl’s head out of the clouds and put her feet on the earth must be a divine inspiration. J’ai!

As for me, I will call it the “anti-planner”. I’ve chosen simple, clean apps to keep my life simple and clean. There’s Zenbe, the list maker that spills everything out of my head and onto a list (and can be synced with my hubbies I-phone – even mid trip to Trader Joe’s!), making meditation much more free, the calendar that syncs off of my computer, the alarm – my most used feature – that I set 5 minutes before I have to leave for anywhere and has kept me almost on time, there’s email for emergencies like today when the babysitter couldn’t make it to The Dog tonight, there’s the meditation app that dings every 10 minutes in gong audio for a zen reminder of how long you’ve been sitting and NOT thinking about how long you’ve been sitting. The cream of the crop? There’s even an app to keep the kids occupied during the carpool and commute in zen fashion – it’s a chubby Buddha who laughs when you tickle his belly.

So yea, Satan has finally gotten to me. (hee hee) I have been distracted by modern technology. The world is such a scary place. Be careful, Apple is out to seduce you. You may be next.

(Now look above again? Who can tell me what terrible disease my poor tomatoes have?)

Satya

It’s true. Truth is relative. Especially when you’re 4.

Setting the stage: We’ve made pies, and I’m turning Drew and Kieran over with the dough scraps to make tarts. It’s my way of turning them loose to learn mad baking skills without creating a massacre of the pies we’re taking to dinner tonight.

Drew: (high pitched, CUTE voice) Oh!!! I’ve made tarts before! When I was in China.

Me: When were you in China?

Drew: At night.

Me: In your dreams?

Drew: No. At night. When you weren’t looking. (keep in mind she’s been terrified of the dark lately, I’m taking this as a good sign)

Me: Wow.

Drew: Did you know I have super-powers? I’m INVINCIBLE!

Me: That’s super-cool. What does invincible mean?

Drew: I don’t know.