change

15 Oct

It’s official, there will be no more posts about potty-training. I have no more diapers and no more babies! (hee hee, she trained like a brilliant little yogini) You will never have to read about the excitement of Dora panties on this site ever again. Ooh, I just hope that’s a promise I can really keep!

It brings me to ponder the constant flux of life, and the changes we go through. Being a pretty constant, steady person, I’ve always welcomed change and embraced it. When things in life shift for me, it seems the perfect opportunity to move forward in a big way. I can usually jump in with both feet, lots of passion and energy. I love how life tends to progress in lurches rather than a calm and steady progression.

I never thought I had a problem with non-attachment, but this year has been a roller coaster like I’ve never known. Just when I thought things were getting stable, I was hit with a two week case of poison oak that moved into a horrible skin reaction. That means, horror of horrors, no exercise for me, no hot yoga, nothing! AAAHHH.I feel like a teenager again, with mood swings and waning patience. (scratch, itch, wide awake at 3am, sounds asleep at 2pm) It is going on and on and on with no end in sight. Systemic itch. Lovely.

I find myself wrestling with the attachments of my desire. Wanting life to be better… if I could only wake up with my itch gone and stop taking this horrible medication. What if  my work schedule stabilized? What if my garage were finally clean?

Ironically, this is the perfect way for me to finish up my 108 days of yoga. I’m on my last week and I’m unable to really take a yoga class or overheat in any way. I’m extremely short on patience and energy. All of these changes and unforseen circumstances have cocooned me right into the deepest practice of all. I’m reminded that the asana isn’t really where it’s at after all. Sitting, breathing, connecting is all where it’s at. When I still the mind, and overcome the restlessness within, I can really learn from what yoga has to offer.

My 108 days are ending with a lot of humility and a different type of strength than I set out looking for. When Tuesday comes and I’ve completed my last day, I’ll be left with a renewed sense of gratitude and hopefully a little bit of grace to accept what change does or doesn’t have to offer me.

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