I needed that

4 May

I took a jaunt over to my friend Yoga Dawg’s website today and saw that he’s featuring a section from his Ebook, My Third Eye Itches. Amongst all of the great books and philosophical works we’ll be offering at the yoga studio, I am most proud to present my own personal copy of “My Third Eye Itches”, complete with bootleg/wanna-be binding and a Do NOT Copy – copyright page! (not really. I’m so square – Dawg gave me his permission) It should make for good entertainment while we’re hanging out waiting for class to start.

Here is a cut and paste from his site, featuring a chapter of his famous book. I – um – think I need to change a few things from my classes 🙂

Yoga Teachers

YogaDawg will now introduce you to your Yoga teachers and explain their personal styles and proclivities. As you learn about Yoga teachers and what they offer, you will be able to wisely choose your classes.

Once you decide on a Yoga teacher and attend your first Yoga class, it is advised that you figure out fairly quickly whether your teacher is nuts. This was not much of a concern when Yoga was being practiced, as explained by John Schumacher (minor American Yoga Star) by “hippies, retired little old ladies, weirdos” and people from California as they were easily recognizable from the general public. But now that Yoga has gone mainstream, cuckoo Yoga teachers might now be more difficult to identify. So with that in mind here are signs that your Yoga teacher might be a wack-job:

Brings their cats to class (also bringing dogs, goldfish or animal crackers) might indicate that the Yoga teacher is not all there.
Makes animal noises during poses (barking during Down Dog, cawing during Crow, hissing during Cobra or making gulping sounds during Fish pose) all indicate that the teacher is most likely off their rocker.
Blasts Beethoven’s Ode to Joy during class (or plays Opera and sings along) is an indication that the Yoga teacher has a screw loose.
Snores during Savasana (or makes any other weird sounds) might indicate that the lights are on but no one is home.
Reads quotes from Timothy Leary’s Psychedelic Experience (or give a peace sign while saying “Peace” at the end of class, or says words such as “groovy” or “far-out” or “cool”) probably means that the Yoga teacher is trippin’.
Introduces themselves as some variant of a Sanskrit name such as Shanti, Shakti, Om, Freddy-ji, etc,.in place of their birth name such as Sally, Betty, Kim, Fred etc, indicates that the Yoga teacher is most likely cracked.
Wears Unitards (Yikes, run for the exits as this teacher will also show one or more of the above signs).
So with that out of the way, let’s examine the types of Yoga teachers that you will run into in your Yoga journey:

The Guru

The Exotic Dancing Shakti

The Facilitator

The Whatever

The High Touch

The High Tech

The Enlightened One

The Philosopher

The Mumbler

The Old Guard

Yoga Teacher Sub-classes

Read more about Yoga Teachers in the eBook –

or, Read it in our lobby and covet my copy, because it’s only sold on YogaDawg’s website!

One Response to “I needed that”

  1. Lisa Gray May 5, 2008 at 8:25 am #

    We have a teacher from each of these categories, right???!!?? Can’t wait to get my hands on that thing!!

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