Archive | humor RSS feed for this section

Smart-Asses Welcome

30 Jan

Today’s weekly post at Doves and Serpents, inspired by one amazing Sanctuary retreat at Cosmic yesterday…


Teeny Weeny Yogini

25 Apr

In high school, I used to babysit every Tuesday for my seminary teacher. Their family was awesome. One of the things I loved was that their kids would eat anything. Their dad said that whenever they introduced a new vegetable, he and his wife would make a huge deal about how excited they were to be having it. They would pretend not to give their kids any of it, saying, “you won’t like this… this is just for grown-ups.” Of course their kids begged for some, and when they got to try it, they had to master the art of faking it. “MMMM!!!”

This is how I approach yoga with my kids. I play coy, “you don’t want to do yoga with me? OK, no biggie.” I know they will move away from anything I pressure them to do too strongly. It’s a fine line, balancing how much motivation to give them, and when to leave it alone. Drew has grown increasingly interested in yoga lately. Her daycare has been doing a program called “ZENergy” and she loves it. It’s somehow a mixture of yoga poses, John-Travolta-dance-moves, and gymnastics. Needless to say, she loves it. She’s coming home begging to go to Cosmic’s kids class, and spontaneously popping into poses that I haven’t taught her. Fun for me! Now I have a yoga partner.

Um, yes. She’s always this calm and cooperative.

I’m saving this one for when she’s a teenager. Proof that she really does love me.

Updog. Downdog. At The Dog. I smell a Dr. Seuss inspired yoga book in the works!

Yep, any day now we’ll be booking our flight to India. Namaste, baby!


21 Dec

Update (see post below)

On the way to church today, the reindeer were back up to their old tricks. (Maybe next year there will be a third, baby reindeer?) I laughed out loud and send a metaphorical high-5 out to the powers that be.

Kieran: What’s so funny?

Me: Those reindeer!

Kieran (laughing): Yea… they’re playing leapfrog!

Me (snatching up any opportunity to educate): Actually, they’re mating.

Kieran: What?

Me: They’re mating.

Kieran (face scrunched, eyes squinted, head cocked) What?

Me (louder now): They’re in mating position.

Kieran: Is that a yoga pose?

I’m proud to report that we had the most glorious of meetings at church today. Fabulous, joyful singing, music and lots of joy. The 2nd and 3rd hour of meetings were canceled so we could party in the gym and really enjoy each others’ company. No merry Smithmas (thanks for that term Cheryl!) this week. Well done.

Christmas Leela!

16 Dec

Ah, Leela. The Cosmic play of the universe. I’m so grateful for the little snippits of humor I find in the reality around me. I love it when humans enter into that cosmic flow of playfulness and join in. This week, I need it. And so, I pause from my huge list of things that must be done by tonight, to bring you a touch of the Leela in my life:

Sunday I was driving home from church a little bit bummed. It was the last lesson before Christmas and I really wanted to connect with all that is Christ-divine. I got to know some awesome sisters in the hall, and then went into RS for a lesson on…. Joseph Smith. (cue the violins) Sadly, I drove home wanting more. The drive home is stunning, a back road that winds through Blackhawk along the base of Mt. Diablo. This road accesses some of the most posh, swanky neighborhoods in the area and right now the homes drip with tasteful Christmas decorations and white lights. Very proper and elegant! I passed one of the gated community entrances, and I saw something very similar to this:

That’s right folks, humping reindeer! Just what I needed, I giggled all of the way home. I immediately assumed it was some of Brandon’s friends from the high school – you know, those wild ‘n crazy kids. Sadly, Brandon was home the night before, so I couldn’t congratulate him for some fine creative leela. As I thought about it though, I began to wonder, am I the only one who needs a laugh today? The only one stressed out? Am I the only one who has to hit the yoga mat to get any relief? Then, I thought of the wealthy and famous people who live in Blackhawk who must be feeling just as bummed as I am. Was it the CEO of Safeway sneaking out at 3am to create a little reindeer hanky-panky? Was it a member of the A’s, or the Raider’s who wanted to let off a little steam? Or maybe it was the people who are famous for handing out 5 lb. bags of M&M’s on Halloween. Personally, I like to think that it was some millionaire, straight-laced, bored business man, tip-toeing outside late at night in his 3-piece suit past all of the manicured yards to create a little mischief and perhaps, to turn his nose up at all that is proper.

Those laughs lasted me until the next morning when I took Brandon to school. We were all prepared to snap a photo, but alas, the reindeer were back to their proper elegant position. So, I was forced to google search for a photo to show you and found the Facebook group: Reindeer Humpers Anonymous – check it out.

It’s the thrill. The adrenaline. The creative bursts as the reindeer are piled four or five reindeer high! The beauty of perfectly aligning the rotating heads to match perfectly. The satisfaction of humping the same house so many nights in a row the owners put them away. The challenge of motion sensor lights and dogs in the side yard. The genius of groundbreaking positions and artistic arrangements. The sene of accomplishment when entire neighborhoods have been humped, with no reindeer or lighted ornament left untouched. The bond that forms between reindeer humpers that no one else can understand. The balls it takes to hump reindeer with front lights on and curtains wide open. The scars from being impaled by the pegs that attach the reindeer to the ground. The grass stains that cover your jeans. The camraderie of working with your accomplices to conquer the one house with the most reindeer in the city – and taking that one inspiring moment that makes time stop to look at your reindeer ornament orgy masterpiece.

No matter what makes you addicted, celebrate this beautifiul sport all holiday season. Spread the joy and cheer of reindeer humping to everyone who will appreciate it.

Shall we join?

Then, as if it couldn’t get any better, today I saw this:

I really needed that joy! I’ll be looking for more much needed leela throughout the week.

More of the Mundane

24 Sep


The happy view from my new I-phone.

Call it commercialism. Call it blatant distraction from pure mystical awareness. Call it what my hubby does (with disgust) when we’re both relaxing at night next to each other tapping away – “look at us – we’re such yuppies.” Call it whatever you will, but I would like to thank the mystical powers that be for creating a device that has kept me on time, on schedule and on task for almost two weeks now (almost). Any contraption that can pull this hippie-dippy girl’s head out of the clouds and put her feet on the earth must be a divine inspiration. J’ai!

As for me, I will call it the “anti-planner”. I’ve chosen simple, clean apps to keep my life simple and clean. There’s Zenbe, the list maker that spills everything out of my head and onto a list (and can be synced with my hubbies I-phone – even mid trip to Trader Joe’s!), making meditation much more free, the calendar that syncs off of my computer, the alarm – my most used feature – that I set 5 minutes before I have to leave for anywhere and has kept me almost on time, there’s email for emergencies like today when the babysitter couldn’t make it to The Dog tonight, there’s the meditation app that dings every 10 minutes in gong audio for a zen reminder of how long you’ve been sitting and NOT thinking about how long you’ve been sitting. The cream of the crop? There’s even an app to keep the kids occupied during the carpool and commute in zen fashion – it’s a chubby Buddha who laughs when you tickle his belly.

So yea, Satan has finally gotten to me. (hee hee) I have been distracted by modern technology. The world is such a scary place. Be careful, Apple is out to seduce you. You may be next.

(Now look above again? Who can tell me what terrible disease my poor tomatoes have?)

Vacation is over

21 Jul

Dear kind yogis and yoginis,

Uhm. If you haven’t heard, vacation is over. You’re not allowed to travel anymore, and in fact – if you’re out of town, ya really need to come back. Not only is your yoga practice deteriorating as you sip margaritas on the beach, but I really want to pay those Cosmic bills this month. So come on back to town before your practice has regressed back to square one, and bring us a little of this while you’re at it:

…..because when it’s all said and done, we like having extravagances at the studio like, say – uhm, electricity and yoga instructors!

Love and guilt trips,

Your favorite crazy bhakti,



20 Jul

I don’t know why this makes me laugh…

Me: What should we have for dinner?

Kieran: Something healthy.

Drew: Olives!!! I want olives for dinner. Wait… I want bacon. Bacon for dinner.

Reminds me of last week when Drew went to Trader Joe’s with me and insisted on carrying the bacon home with her cradled in her arms like a baby. It’s the only meat she’ll eat and she asks for it all of the time. We don’t make it often, so it’s a huge treat. I think she’d rather have bacon than chocolate. Is she really my child?


A few weeks ago, my body was craving meat. I started eating better and my body still craved meat, my BODY was asking for it. So, a little bit of chicken here and there has made my body much happier for now. It’s interesting to try to listen to intuition and just honor what my body asks for without morality judgments. It definitely feels good to not have to worry SO much about what to serve for dinner to please everybody.

Something healthy with olives. And a small side of bacon for the princess.